Abuse, Abortion, Healing

United States of America

Exposed

Could you still love me if I exposed the darkest secrets of my life…..

All of the past mistakes, embarrassing shame, inner turmoil and hidden strife….

What would you say if I told you that I had 3 abortions….

Because fear gripped me due to what I could not foresee…

Would you say that God could no longer love me…

I mean, because technically, I was on a killing spree…

Would you ask me how is it that I could take life away and yet still get up each morning to live my life day by day….

Would you judge me if I told you that I once was an exotic dancer for 6 months?

Would you crucify me to that stripper pole,

and change the way you view me as a whole

just because I did something I felt was out of my control?

Yes… Yes.. I did take off my clothes and dance to pay for freedom of a jail cell of abuse

Because getting beat bloody by your beloved husband leaves you lost and confused

Feeling like there’s nothing left to lose

And those suicidal thoughts becomes the only voice that youre listening to

Now, let me set something straight

I’m not trying to justify my wrong doings

Just doing what it takes now to learn from my mistakes

Cuz at the end of the day, I realized I had lost myself somewhere along the way…

Or wait…. Maybe I never had myself to lose in the first place

Because so many times, I had given my soul and body away

In exchange for love that was misrepresented…

that became a cycle that was repeated,

And the results was a broken heart , shattered and depleted

It deleted the truth of what real love looks like and feels like

And it’s like

All of these dark mistakes from my past is trying to overshadow this joyous light

That is shut up in my bones,

But overcoming condemnation is as easy as realizing that you without sin can caste the first stone..

So God, Take this stony heart out of my chest

And cast it into the sea of forgetfulness

And please help me to see that the sins of my past is not what my future holds for me

Take my present, and let it evolve my past into a mouth piece

That will become so loud and goes forth to set other people free

And those who have ears to hear, let them pierce their earlobes with earrings of freedom

That rings with peace

To forgive themselves and release

Because you are not your past, and the things that was done to you….

You’re so much more and there’s a bigger picture to hold on to

The strength that has formed over time on the inside of you

Is now like a pearl necklace on display for the whole world to view

Your struggles were not meant just for you,

They were put in place for you to overcome

In order for you to help the next person come through…

The Artist

 Forgiven, Abortions

United States of America

I am very thankful to God for the gift of forgiveness that I never thought possible after committing what I thought to be the unforgivable sin. Many times over.

As an ob/gyn resident I took a job moonlighting at a local abortion center doing pregnancy terminations. I had been raised in a Christian home and was told by others that this wrong but my feminist sensibilities were so strong that providing safe procedures for women that wanted them trumped any thought I now have, I walked past picketers each weekend who thought I was a patient and tried to counsel me not to kill my baby!

After the abortions, I would examine the tissue and see fully formed arms, legs, rib cages, and skulls without seeing the baby that might have been. I told myself it was not my decision to terminate, but the moms’. I was just keeping her safe.

That is until I was pregnant myself and met my daughter on an ultrasound at 7 weeks. I call it my Damascus Road experience because I realized in that moment that the only thing that made my baby any different than the hundred I had killed was that I wanted “her”. To my horror I had to finally admit that abortion stops a beating heart.

I was so ashamed that I kept the conviction to myself and stayed in my “new life closet” until someone who knew my story asked me to tell my story at a fundraiser for a Crisis Pregnancy Center. It was only the grace of God that got me through it. The love and acceptance from the people in that room made me feel as if God was showing me that I was forgiven, something I thought impossible, through them.

I emerged from my pro-life closet a forgiven woman eager to tell the truth that I knew all too well. Over the years, sharing that testimony has saved countless lives. To God be the Glory!!!

YF Moore