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Finding Peace Within Myself
There was a moment in my life when I was at my lowest. Life, my life was just turned upside down. I was going through a terrible divorce, had two kids, moved to a new city, and money was tight. I didn’t know where to turn some days, left, right, up, or down, yet when I sat down, I knew I had two precious souls counting on me for food, shelter, strength, and most importantly, love. I was hurt, disappointed, and lost.
When I felt hope was not near or even possible, I turned to my foundation in God. I found a church I liked. I started attending, praying, fasting, and taking the kids. It wasn’t long before I felt a burden lift, and doors opened. I became a better person, mother, daughter, and friend. I regained my strength and my confidence. I found myself again. God made it possible.
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October 31, 2019, I tripped and fell and broke my wrist at work. After having immersed myself in worship to the song, “The Goodness of God” that morning, my accident woke me up to how good God had/has been to me over the course of my life. But most especially, to how GOOD HE HAD BEEN in the 10 years before my accident. You see, summer of 2009, I left my husband, my four children, and my home. It was a marriage of about 35 years – a VERY difficult marriage, an emotionally exhausting marriage. Never able to live up to his expectations. However, it wasn’t just leaving him. It was leaving my four children behind, abandoning them. What nearly killed me for it was my children, who kept me going, and then, without them, I felt, “what was the use in living?”
Mother’s Day 2011 my sister came and rescued me from going back and brought me back home, where I grew up. Again, after a year and a half, I left and abandoned my children, yet once again. But God had not abandoned me. He brought me back and placed me in a job that I never in my life imagined I would have. He placed me at Gulfstream as an upholstery tech, where He knew that I could not easily escape back to Jacksonville. This was a job where the Lord could take care of me and have coworkers who would support me, and the healing process began. Eventually, He brought me to Compassion Christian Church, where I was accepted and loved right where I was. Over the next few years, I was able to travel back and forth to Jacksonville to restore relationships with my children.
Only God can mend what we break.
A.S.
